Derrion's Death

I was eating my breakfast this morning, Cinnimon Life, and I decided to turn on the News. The first story to come on after the commercial about chef-designed-dogfood was about a 16 year old who was walking home from school when he got caught in the middle of a gang war. He was an "innocent bystander" who was beaten to death. Derrion was an honor-student at a high school in Chicago. His death should be a lesson to the world... "violence is not the answer". Where I live, in a very rural town in Maine, there aren't any gangs. But, hate and high school drama emerge when you'd least expect. Fighting between small groups is a natural occurance. I'm sure if we lived in a city these small groups would turn into gangs. But, some of us, like Derrion Albert refuse to take part in the hate and violence. I didn't know him, but I respect him, and sympathise with his family. And to those who have been a part of the violence, small or large scale, I hope that you can learn from Derrion's death.

colors...

Driving to work today I realized : 1. that I am officially commuting to work, 2. that the windshield wipers in my car are much more efficient than the one's on my mom's car, and 3. that the rain is extraordinarily beautiful. The sky was grey and the birds were gathering so each flock that flew overhead looked suspiciously ominous, singular black spots flying together in one large group. The grass and the trees seemed to breathe with the wind as they digested the moisture falling from the sky. But, in all it's beauty, the rain will never have one thing that sunny days do. That one missing thing, is color. The leaves are changing, and on such an overcast day their colors were dim. The normally bright reds and oranges seemed almost brown. The only solution for this problem is to turn on the sun when it's raining. Can't you imagine walking down the street on a nice sunny day with the rain pouring down? Or puddle jumping the rain? It sounds like fun to me.

homeless...

I had no idea that there was a shelter nearby. I think that is awesome. Opening doors to people from all different backgrounds, and with problems of many scales, would be very difficult. It could even be dangerous. But, these people need somewhere to go, esp. in Maine (it's cold for like 75% of the year). It would be costly to feed them, and it would be difficult to turn people away if there wasn't anymore room. I would definitely volunteer there if I could find the time. I would like to talk to some of these people... maybe they haven't had the chance to tell their story to anyone. I think everyone deserves the chance to tell their story. It makes people feel valued, like their life is worth something. If they didn't want to share that would be fine... but, I think a lot of people would.

about school shutting down...

Honestly... I don't give a crap. It's my senior year, I won't be here next year. Sure it wouldn't be very healthy for the town, but the town isn't very healthy as it is. No one seems to care about the kids of this town, no one seems to give a damn about us... I can't wait to leave. Maybe if we had more to do, more extracurricular activities, then we'd have better things to do than walk the streets.

Just random...

There is nothing so mesmerizing as lights at night. I don't think that I should be so distracted as I'm driving through town at night, but I get that way. When I'm just riding, not driving, in the passenger seat, it's worse. It's pretty much senseless to try to talk to me. It's like I'm dreaming, not thinking, just floating along. It's quite beautiful. Yes, I'm a little insane. That's okay though...

So... I went on Pyzam.com. A website with amazing blogger backgrounds that DON'T WORK! It's the ultimate tease website. I found a perfect template and obviously it doesn't work. I'm annoyed... I'm going to continue trying to put one on though. Does anyone have any advice??

The Common Ground Fair

The Common Ground Fair is quite an experience. There are so many animals... (I love animals =). The pizza, which is homemade and deliciously organic, is worthy of some kind of award. And, the ice cream... made from real cream that isn't processed or filled with chemicals, is to die for. It was probably the best ice cream I've ever had. If you've never been, or never heard of it, check out the website, get directions, and GO!

October Love

Sweet, cool air
fills lungs
red like leaves.

Senses feeling,
tasting, smelling,
seeing, hearing
Autumn.

Like Autumn is
alive.

my weekend...

Friday night activities: soccer practice, almost-bonfire, Jen's house, blogging, bed.

Saturday activities: played in a soccer game that we won, had a killer headache, got rid of a killer headache, got in an argument with my dad, went to see Grease (live theater), danced, talked to cute college guys, got ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery, went home and went to bed.

Sunday activities: wrote an essay for AP Art History, went to put gas in my car, went to work, stapled my thumb at work, went to Shannon's for like 5 minutes, came home, did Advanced Creative Writing homework, went to bed.

Over all it was a pretty good weekend. I managed to get all my homework done in reasonable time. Work was also pretty damn awesome. I think I might work with some of the coolest co-workers on the planet. x]

Again... on dreaming (Please read "fresh... like pineapple" the post before this one)

I pity those who don't remember their dreams... but, sometimes I wish I hadn't remembered mine (like last night). It seems that every time I get over someone I end up having an amazing dream about them that brings all those feelings back. Usually the dreams just consist of riding around in a truck with that person, or going out for dinner, simple things that make me miss him (whoever he is at the time). Honestly, I was doing just fine until today, when my mind decided that it wasn't going to let me get over him. And now, knowing that I can't do a thing about it, it's killing me.

Dreams are where all my crazy ideas are turned into epic films. I would much rather have an epic war movie, or a fantasy adventure film running through my brain than a romance... So today, I will fill my thoughts with unicorns and dragons in hopes that my dreams will let me forget about him.

Fresh... like pineapple.

I wonder sometimes... is it a common dream to be "average"? Do people really have the desire to blend in with society? I wonder if I am that different... What I want, what I have always wanted, is to be known around the nation, if not around the world. I want people to know who I am, I want to know lots of people, and I want people to want to get to know me. I've never desired to be a teacher or a nurse (not saying that you can't be a spectacular, original person if that is your profession) because when someone asks me, I need to be able to tell them all that I've done and see their eyes light up with interest. I want to be able to teach people things from the many lessons I'll learn from the many experiences I'll have. I want to know about people, and not about politics, medicine, or computers. I want my experiences to mold me, and link me to places where no one's even heard of. This desire might have come from the lack of culture and variety of my hometown, but I know that until I accomplish my goal of seeing the people of the world up close I'll never be happy. Is it the common dream to have a family? To fall in love? To just be happy? If so, this dream just isn't mine. Does this need to witness things, change things, be a part of the big picture belong to anyone else? Please... someone leave some comments about your personal goals!

This blog is in response to this video.

Simon and Garfunkel have and always will be AWESOME! Usually when singers get older their voices gradually get worse and worse... not these guys. My favorite Simon and Garfunkel song is Scaraborough Fair, I can play it on piano! =]

On dreaming...

I am one of those people who remembers quite a few of my dreams. It seems that 70% of the dreams I remember are nightmares (or have some nightmare-ish content). In the past six months I have had 10 (or so) dreams about the blue monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. These monkeys are either flying in flocks in the sky, attacking me, sitting on shelves, reflected in the mirror, or anything that my mind can fathom these scary creatures doing. They've never hurt me and I've never even touched one in a dream, they are just there (and they are scary). Do these monkeys symbolize something? Do I have a strange obsession with them? Why do they flood my dreams? ...Any dream analysts out there who would like to offer some clarification?

Gargoyles

Last night I had a pretty strange dream (well, it wasn't that strange for me, but for any normal person it would've been). I dreamed that I was standing on the roof of this massive castle, but I couldn't move. The sun was setting directly in front of me, creating a bright pink and yellow blur, I couldn't close my eyes or look away. Gradually, as the sun began to fall behind the distant purple mountains I regained my mobility. First it was my eyes, I could move them, and blink. Next, it was my fingers, then my head, then my legs, and when the sun completely sank behind the mountains I could flex my wings. In the dream, it seemed completely normal that I had wings (of course, when I woke up I was like wtf?). When the first star shone in the sky I leaped off the roof of the building. Free-falling at first was exhilarating, but then I remembered my wings. Flying of my own accord was indescribable. Feeling the rush of wind through my hair, and feeling the heaving of my chest with the effort of regaining the height I'd lost from my dive off the roof. It was an incredible dream, if only it had been real...

College?!

Riding home from the soccer game (where we were slaughtered 8-1) last night I decided that I was not going to school today. But, when I got home I encountered something that quickly changed my mind. Sitting on my counter was a large white envelope from Dartmouth College addressed to me! I opened it and found a large pamphlet and smaller checklist. I sat down and while icing my ankle, looked through the pamphlet. In it there were images of happy Dartmouth students standing in front the historic campus buildings that I've seen numerous times. I decided that I needed to go to school, no matter how sick I was, so I could start my Dartmouth application.
...And that is just what I did this morning. I have almost completely accepted the fact that I will be going to college and starting my life in 9 months. That is so scary!! I've lived in the same state, the same town, the same street, THE SAME HOUSE for 18 years. I still feel like I'm 5. But, I am ready to go out and meet people. I'm ready to go out and learn about the world. I just want the chance to be myself, who I really am, without being subjected to the judgemental eyes of "nowhereville". I guess college is my chance to start new.

For my world-wide audience

In response to Mrs. L...
Since I am new at this blogging thing (hard to believe, but true) I am infatuated by the idea that I have an audience to read what I write. Maybe no one really reads my blogs, but just the idea that I am correlating the jumble of ideas in my head so that others can understand my perspective of things is intriguing to me. If I were to just simply send my journal entries to my teacher without worrying that other students (or my mysterious online audience) were going to view it I wouldn't take the time to use words such as "correlate" and "intrigue". I think that adding a blogging component to class was absolutely genius. If students know that they potentially have a world-wide audience, they will (almost assuredly) be more apt to put thought behind what they write. So, kudos to Mrs. L!!!

Misunderstanding...

"Unapproachable" is how She described it, I think. Unapproachable like a sleeping grizzly bear? Or like Beyonce? Because the first you don't even want to go near; anyone in their right mind would go out of their way to stay out of it's way. And the latter... I mean, come on it's Beyonce. Everyone probably wants to go right up and have a nice conversation about the weather with her... but who has the guts to? I guess how She described me only affected me because I want to make money meeting people, unapproachable journalists just don't get far. When I reflect upon my first day at my job I see outgoing, not unapproachable. And, when introducing me to a new employee yesterday, my manager said "And this is Hannah, she's just Hannah... that's really the only way to describe her" I definitely favor this description. I have never and will never try to be like anyone but myself, but the last thing I want to be is unapproachable. Maybe it is people that I've known for a long time that saw how I used to interact with new acquaintances who still think I'm shy. (For any of you who may think that) That is NOT the case! I love meeting people, and hearing their stories, because everyone has got one to tell, and none of them are the same. I really hope that I'm not unapproachable though.

This Blog's Purpose

This blog is to aid in my self discovery... It is my senior year, and as most of you probably know, there are a lot of transitions to deal with this year. There are many things I will need to know about myself, the world, and other people before I venture off into the "foreign" world of college. I'm going to post what I learn this year in this blog... in hopes that maybe, I can assist someone else in their own self-discovery.

Salutations!

Thanks for checking out my blog. I'm sure my posts will get gradually more interesting as I adjust to how this blog-site works... so keep checking back =]

Oh... I'm sort of in love with Fez. Just so you all know. xP